Today, it begins

I've realized that it would be very good for me if I can put Samuel down for his nap and know that he will be just fine and will go to sleep even on his own. This is also important if I want Hubby to be able to put him to bed at night (say, I want to go to book group or somesuch) -- he needs to be able to go to sleep with out nursing and without tons of fuss.

But Mommy.....

The other day, I started letting him fuss for 5 minutes, then going in to him. I've realized that this child is *very* strong willed, and is persistent. Today, I decided to start letting him cry it out (oh, that sounds horrible!). I let him cry himself to sleep for his first nap this morning. He's just started to quiet down (he might be asleep...) and its been 30 minutes.

I had to turn off the baby monitors (too loud) and even went and took a shower where I couldn't hear him. I cried in the shower; it just breaks my heart to know my little boy is so upset! But, I know that what is good for me is good for him. And I get so frustrated running back and forth when he doesn't want to go to sleep but is so very, very tired.

While weeping in the shower, I realized something. This is a form of discipline, as I'm teaching Samuel a new skill (in a sense). How our Father God's heart must break when he needs to discipline us and teach us something. We are often as clueless and stubborn as this little boy, and we make just as much noise. I can think of times when I have "thrown a fit" at God and at what he was taking me through, and I had no understanding at that time of what I was learning.  {Ah, he is wailing again, so not really asleep} At times it felt like I was suffering for no good reason. I'm betting that if Samuel has enough cognition, he is thinking that I'm making him suffer for no good reason. Ah, the lessons one learns as a parent.