I feel like I'm finally ready to write about it.
We've been trying for 13 months to get pregnant and haven't yet. I think this makes it official: we are dealing with infertility. Not the nicest thing to deal with, but definitely not on the "bad" end of medical maladies. We've got a doctor's appointment scheduled for next week and, so, we will begin the process of figuring out why we aren't getting pregnant and if we can get pregnant.
There is a great deal of disappointment in all of this. Disappointment that expectations are not met. Disappointment that God hasn't intervened to fix the problem. Disappointment that there is still no baby. And the disappointment is like being on a roller coaster. Each month, when I know I'm not pregnant, there is a wave of sadness and disappointment. After a day or two, those emotions wane. Then, when that time gets close, I try not to anticipate, but I do. I get excited, I wonder if maybe this month I'll be pregnant. And then sadness and disappointment again. An emotional roller coaster, if there ever was one.
Here's to hoping that in the next month or two I can post an update... with news of a miracle.